{The Arrival of Finn Aloysius: Our Birth Story}

As I'm sitting here trying to think of where to even begin, I find myself getting emotional as it's already been a week since our gorgeous little human made his debut. A WEEK! All of that anticipation and waiting around that felt never-ending is gone, and now I'm just trying to soak up every single second of every day. I know I'm a newbie...but being a mother is magical. Seeing my husband's fatherly instincts arise out of nowhere, is magical. Seeing this little tiny human and remembering that just last week he was contorted into a little ball inside of me...is magical. It's all just so beautiful and I could probably just gag you all with the amount of mushy-ness and love I have pouring out of my heart and soul right now. But, there will be plenty more posts on that so for now I'll spare you and get to the best day of our lives.

If you've been following our little blog throughout this pregnancy, you'll know then that I wanted nothing more than a natural, un-medicated birth. However, I was realistic with myself in knowing that things don't always go to plan, especially when it comes to birthing. I, in fact, did everything in my power throughout my pregnancy to prepare for a natural delivery. From teas to yoga/meditation to eating unpleasant things, I was sure that though I knew things don't always go to plan, that for some reason I was excluded from that notion...and that things would just go the way that I wanted. Because hey, I was devoted to the idea! Well, things didn't necessarily go the way we expected, to say the least.

It all started on Monday, May 25th (Memorial Day!). I woke up at 3 a.m. to some pretty nifty contractions that just felt different from the usual Braxton Hicks I'd been having in the weeks prior. We were already overdue and at this point every little pain and tingle was IT in my mind. Little to my surprise these contractions were quite consistent, consistent enough for me to begin tracking them.  5 a.m. rolls around and contractions are now like clock-work, 7 minutes apart and increasing in intensity; not to mention, some bloody discharge. Ohhh boy, it's go time! I decided to jump in the shower and gather our bags. Another hour rolls by and sure thing, these "intense" contractions start lessoning in intensity...by 10 a.m. they were about 20 minutes apart. Dammit. This was not it. John and I went on about our day, getting brunch on the water and walking our hearts out with the hopes of again triggering those contractions. I had them on and off throughout the day, but they were in no way consistent any more. Another night rolls around and John and I hit the hay, accepting the fact that our little guy would let us know when he's ready.

11:30 p.m.- May 25th- "JOHN!!" FINALLY, a sure tell sign, my water had broken! Not only did it break...it exploded. Water was erupting out of me uncontrollably and I didn't know whether to laugh because of the mess I was making, or cry because of the contraction that was accompanying the explosion at the time that about brought me to my knees. This, was it. We knew that meeting our baby boy was only hours away...my heart was bursting. John phoned our doctor and my mother while I gathered the rest of our things.

12:15 a.m.-May 26th- We immediately went to the hospital as my contractions were hitting fast and hard. I jumped in my gown and was just so ready to take on this major task! As sick as it sounds, I was excited about the pain...I welcomed it, because I knew that it meant I'd get to meet my much anticipated baby so very very soon. My momma met us there and us three got comfortable in the room we'd be able to meet sweet boy in (so I thought). As I said, contractions were hitting pretty hard. They were less than 5 minutes apart and intense enough from the beginning to where I quite literally couldn't speak when one came on. John, bless his heart, absolutely hates seeing me in pain, so naturally his anxiousness was starting to come out. He sat on the couch in our room and just talked to me, encouraging me through each one with "you're doing so great sweetie." My mom was the one bearing my hand squeezes and rubbing my back. I pulled out my positive affirmations and said them over and over again in my head as each contraction approached. "You can do this, the pain is not greater than you, because it is you." I was feeling pretty nauseous during each one as well, to the point to where I was gagging pretty frequently.  My nurse came in and asked if I'd like medication for the nausea and pain...."No. I'm okay." I was lying on my side and as the next contraction approached...barf. Straight through my nose and all over the bed. John frantically tried to fetch a puke pan but by then it was too late, I was a mess. Not to mention I felt like I was just consistently peeing myself from all the fluids coming out down there. I mean I expected labor to be messy, but whoa. After cleaning up a bit I decided I needed to move around. John, my momma and I went for a little stroll around the L&D floor, there was only one other woman there with me at the time so it was incredibly quiet. Good thing, because right as we were approaching our room again, I leaned up against the wall and the intensity of the contractions and again....barf. This time it was pretty violent puking. My poor nurse. I told her that I felt like I was going to shit myself as well and at the moment I didn't have the energy to make it back to the room. Thank goodness my dignity was slightly spared as that didn't end up happening.

4:00 a.m.- May 26th- By this time I was contracting about every 3 minutes and starting to get the urge to push. Surprise #1: I felt another huge gush of fluid coming out of me, looked down, and my heart sunk. Meconium. The little stinker decided to take his first poop right inside of me. I couldn't help but panic a little...I've heard horror stories of long hospital stays and the dangers little humans face when they let their stuff fly before exiting the ole' womb. My nurses came in right away and did another cervix check. Surprise #2: "Baby has gone breech." My baby who had been head down for a majority of this pregnancy had at some point flipped himself around. It wasn't even minutes before my team walked in all scrubbed up, and with paperwork for me to sign on needing an emergency C-section. I couldn't even wrap my head around what was happening...it was all so quick. All I knew is that I was terrified. I hadn't prepared for this...I had prepared for a natural delivery. That's it.
I wanted nothing more than to feel the might of creation move through me. I felt like Elizabeth Banks in the movie "What To Expect When Your Expecting" (which I had watched 100+ times), "But this isn't a part of my plan!" I didn't say that of course, in fact, I didn't say anything at all. My husband and my mom knew I was terrified, all I had to do was look at their faces that just read "I know you're scared but everything will be okay," and I lost it. John was right by my side and reminding me of what we were going to have at the end of all of this. He was right. Who am I to be so selfish and get angry at how our little human was deciding to make his entrance? At that moment my anger subsided, but the fear really didn't. Next thing you know John's all geared up for surgery too. We made our way into the OR and John had to wait in the hall until I was all prepped. Great. Alone at a time where I needed my husband the most. The spinal went in while I buried my head in fear on one of my nurses' shoulder. Next thing you know, I don't feel a thing. All I could focus on was the fact that the upper half of my  body felt like it was having a grand mal seizure. I was shaking uncontrollably, but apparently that's normal after having a spinal. "Alright, bring dad in. Are you ready?"

 5:20 a.m.-May 26th- "Congratulations, he's beautiful!" I wanted so desperately to see but there was a stupid sheet obstructing my view of this beautiful baby. I looked up at John and he was just smiling ear to ear. I wanted to scream/cry/laugh...such a rush of every emotion your body is capable of feeling ran through me. "8lbs, 4oz, 19 inches!" the nurses yelled. Man did our Finn have some pipes too, he was just a screamin'! I want to see I want to see I want to see. Finally, they brought him over to me and laid him next to my head. He was so beautiful. He was beautiful and he was healthy and he was ours. Perfect little nose, perfect little lips, everything daddy except for one ear that stuck out, just like mommy. I wished I could have stared into his baby blues longer, but both he and John had to leave while I got put back together again. I was so sad about the brevity of that stare down, but happy that daddy had the chance to bond with him immediately. I knew I'd get my time. It took about 30 minutes before I was back in our room with him, but it felt like hours. The nurses stripped me down ( I was pretty weak yet and still numb from the belly button down) and laid my precious little one on me for skin to skin time. This is the moment I had been longing for so long. It was heaven...and he took to breastfeeding so naturally which was a relief.
I'm a mom.

The rest of our 48 hour stay at the hospital was a wonderful experience. So many emotions and so many visitors that have been anticipating Finn's arrival. He is just so loved by so many.

So in the grand scheme of things, no, our birth story wasn't that of a natural delivery like I had hoped for. But at the end of the day, was it to plan? Yes, yes it was. Because the only plan we ever really had was going into that hospital and coming out with a healthy, precious human. And that's exactly what happened.

Finn Aloysius Laskowski, you melt our hearts. <3